Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
