Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
