ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
