Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
