Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wear drunk well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
