i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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