Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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