Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
