when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
