A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
