so explain again why im purple
no
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
