Pants 0. Shit 1.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
