i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
