I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need a beard to bite.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
