Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
