Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
