We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
