so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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