I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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