South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
