I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
