what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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