If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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