You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I checked into jail on foursquare
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
