if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
