just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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