chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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