I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
