I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
