so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
