Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
