I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
