I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The uberlube is also flammable
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
