its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
