mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
