haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
