The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
