My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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