Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
