gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
