Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
