I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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