i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
