Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
