Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
