I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
