She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
