I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
