I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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