did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
