i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
