yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
