Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
