i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
